A Different Kind of Healing

I have not been on here in well over a year.  At least I am pretty sure it has been that long.  It has been a crazy year, with right now being the craziest time yet.

There is too much to recap, but I am going to try to start this up again for the 127^th time, and see if I can keep it going.

At this moment, in our home, my father-in-law is having a bout with glioblastoma, a bout that he will ultimately lose.  This bout is not even going to make it to the 5^th round.  It could be that by the time you get around to read this, he will not be on this earth.

I have always known cancer is evil…just evil.  It sucks, and there are not many things positive to say about it. But to see it first hand, and to see it take someone as big and strong as Big Al (hence the name, Big Al) down to where opening his eyes seems to exhaust him….it is just crazy.

We found out about Big Al and the cancer over labor day weekend – just over two months ago.

You can read all about that here in a fantastic blog that his wife, Marti, has been keeping up with.  After you read that, you will know that they have transitioned to Charlotte, and are staying in Beth and I’s home, which will soon become Marti’s home.  It has been a very hard, yet still an often-sweet time.

It is not easy seeing someone fade away.  Knowing and seeing what is going on makes me realize how insanely difficult it would be to have someone taken from you immediately…in an accident, a shooting, etc.  At this point, I just want Big Al to be comfortable, to not suffer.  I don’t want him to feel any more pain, to feel helpless….

A few of my best friends have lost their fathers.  They, as well as everyone, always speak of quality of life.  You just want your dad to have good quality of life, to be at peace…not have to be taken care of completely.  But you also don’t want your dad to be gone yet.  And even then you realize, well crap, I already miss him because this is not the same person who I want to be here longer.  It is a back and forth battle of what you want versus what is best for everyone.

In this case, you are able to prepare, you know what is coming, and you want the end to come just to get him to a better place.  This has nothing to do with not loving, not caring, not wanting him to be alive.  Of course I want him here.  Of course my wife and sisters-in-law want their father here.  Of course Mark wants his father here.   Of course Marti wants her husband back.  But you also realize that the person you want more time with is never going to be the same, and the last thing you want is for that person to suffer more.  You realize it is indeed the best option, and you are ready for it to occur.  But even still, you feel like you are “giving up”.  But we are not giving up.  Far from it.  And it is still insane difficult.  And I still find myself thinking when I hear news of yet another murder…or even last night a tornado not far from us killed four people….someone’s brother…someone’s mother, father, or child…I can’t imagine losing someone suddenly.  With no prep time.  With no warning.

We have had some great times with Al since he moved here, as well as some very tough times.  He often cries out….but there have been moments as well where Big Al is Big Al and he says something that you are not sure you should laugh at, but there is no way you can hold it in…to see a smile pop up on that face, with that chin of his…it is indeed priceless.

I last heard him laugh a few nights ago.  I don’t even remember exactly what I said.  Something about his neck pillow being sort of like my 3 year olds “Raff” in that he always has to have it.  Big Al just started smiling and shaking from laughter…that was the last time I saw him smile.  I hope to catch a few more in the coming days.

As I type this, Hospice has taken over care, and we are not seeking any more radiation or chemo…The Ahlman family is at peace.  This has been an insane, intense, and unexpected two months.  It is not easy seeing them go through this, nor is it easy living it with them.

What is easy though is watching a family love like Jesus, watch over each other like angels, and serve their father and husband with no regard for themselves…and it has been beautiful.

I have said from day one that the healing for this situation was not going to be in the form of Big Al getting better.  It was going to be a different kind of healing…and I see it happening every day.

Peace.

It Is February

I cannot believe it is February already.  That is nuts.  I have not written anything on my blog in a long time, and it is not for a lack of want.  or is it?  I have had time to, but I don’t like to just write on a blog for the sake of just making sure I write something on it. 

Much like writing a song, sometimes I iether don’t feel like I have anything to say, or if I do, I don’t have a “new” or “neat” way to say it.  But what is better – just not writing, or writing anyway, even if it has been said before.  I would think the latter.  So I am doing that.

A lot has happened over the last few months.  My youngest son Jakob turned one.  He will be walking any day now. 

Noah is starting to talk in sentences, which is quite awesome.  He is also becoming more testy, which is not quite awesome.

Funny story though, and Beth and I both laughed at this, and had to turn away so he would not see us.

Noah was walking in the play room and stepped on a toy.  Now bear in mind, Noah has really never hit anyone in his life.  I feel like we have done a decent job of makung sure that he knows he absolutely cannot hit. 

With that said, I continue.  He stepped on the toy, and it hurt his foot.  He started crying and was sitting on the floor, lower lip stretched out for miles, holding his foot.   He looked angry.  He then all of the sudden hit the toy that he stepped on.  But he did not hit it aggressively.  No, not at all.  He hit it like, well, forgive the phrase, like a little girl.  Maybe a better way to say it is ask a right-handed person to throw a ball with their left hand.  the weak, awkward motion is unmistakeable, and rather non-masculine.  That is how Noah’s “hit” on the toy looked like.  Beth and I both lost it laughing immediately, which I do not suggest.  But it will happen at times, and we turned our heads to ensure he does not think hitting, whether weakly, or powerfully, is ever humorous.

I got a hold of myself, and asked him to come over to me so I could look at his foot.  He walked around the toy, still glaring at it – a good early lesson of personification I suppose.

It was funny.  But also scary.  Where do kids learn to hit?  I know he does not learn it from me.  They learn it from somewhere.  It is a natural reaction I suppose.  I could just blame Adam and Eve.  Sure, that was easy.

What else is new?  I love my Church, Renovatus.  God has been doing some amazing things as of late, and we just celebrated our 5 year anniversary.  The ever-classy News 14 showed up too.  You can check out a little video here: http://charlotte.news14.com/content/636046/church-celebrates-opening-of-new-building

Stay tuned for new and exciting news from Renovatus, including new Saturday night services starting in Fort Mill, SC!

what I am listening to a lot right now – Margolnick.  Charlotte dude, incredible record.  Just a talented, amazing guy.  http://margolnick.bandcamp.com/.  Buy it. 

Support more charlotte music.  My brother David Stanfield and his partner in crime Blake Edwards created a video for Public Radio to help them get support for their new record.  As of today, there are 42 more days left where people can donate funds to help support.  Don’t let this project go by the wayside.  http://www.kickstarter.com/projects/222257772/public-radio-is-nothing-without-you

That should do it for now.  I need to get back to work.  I am going to try to get this blog rollin’ again!

peace,

Paul

It’s Christmas Time! Enjoy it!

Christmas smiles

This weekend represents the real beginning of the Christmas season for me.  My wife’s family has arrived in Charlotte, the house is full,  gifts are overflowing under the tree, and broccoli casserole is on the menu!  There is one huge void.  Beth’s dad, Big Al was not able to come this time, which stinks.  There is only one Big Al, and he will be missed.  But we press on, and we do have the surprise of Great Grandma Betty in the house.  I love that Noah and Jakob have met two great grandmothers in the last month.  Pretty special.

I love Christmas.  I really do.  But I also feel like each year it gets harder and harder for me to get into it.  Holidays seem more stressful than fun.  Why is that?  Christmas shopping adds layers of stress rather than buckets of joy.  These days the wish lists and the gift ideas via email and Facebook really are super convenient.  It is no different than my parents asking me for some ideas when I was younger.  And it makes it so much easier to shop.  What should I get Bubba for Christmas?  I need an idea.  Easy. Pull up his list online, problem solved.

Yet for some reason it is so different to me.  On one hand I completely concede that it makes sense to make a Christmas list so that all of your family can view it (Again, no different than writing something down or telling someone “hey, I really would like a new iMac.”).  But while it definitely makes it easier, it also changes the game completely.  What I love about gift-giving is the look on someone’s face when they get something they had no idea they were going to get.  The joy of giving gifts comes full circle.  The idea that sprung a few weeks prior, the excitement of going to find that gift and bring that idea to reality, taking it home and hiding it, and eagerly awaiting the moment when that person opens the gift.  And when they finally open it!  Oh, the look on their face, pure joy and surprise, which also brings pure joy to the gift-giver.  That is fun.  That is the gift part of Christmas that rocks.

I feel like these days the surprise element is almost obsolete.  People are still joyful, still excited, but a lot of times they already know what they are getting.  It seems more important to make sure everyone gets exactly what they want, even if they know they are getting it, than to put some thought into a gift and completely surprise someone.  What this does is makes shopping more robotic, more like a grocery shopping than Christmas shopping.

When is the last time you spoke to someone who went gift-shopping, and was not stressed out about it?  Is it your experience that Christmas shopping, while easier in the age of online shopping, seems to be not quite as fun as it was, say, 10 years ago?  To be fair, increased population, car usage, living in a somewhat-large city adds to it not being as fun.  No one wants to sit in the car for two hours before even arriving at your shopping destination.  Traffic is awful.  More on that in a second.

It is a catch 22, Michael Scott.  Yes, so much easier, so much more convenient.  I compare it in a way to communication these days.  We are lazy.  We want immediate satisfaction.  Text instead of call.  Email instead of write.  Admittedly, I love the lazy methods more than most.  I embrace technology.  Typing is better than writing.  My hand-writing is not readable anyway.  And buying something without leaving my couch?  Awesome.  One trip to Carolina Place mall on a weekend leading up to Christmas can cause the holiest of saints to make Dr. Dre look like a Baby Einstein dvd.  It is awful.  There are few things I hate worse than sitting in traffic.  Duke University basketball is one of those things.  Mushrooms are another.  But traffic is up there.  Because of this, I love online shopping.  I do most if not all of my shopping online.  I never have to leave the house.

Dr. Dre does not seem so bad when compared to shoppers stuck in traffic due to Christmas shopping.

But it is the mindlessness of it all.  The idea of really wanting to give someone something special, putting effort or thought into it has been replaced with checking a list and clicking a link off that list.  I go to a wish list, click a link on said wish list, and bam, done!  I did not even have to use a brain cell on that one.  Come to think of it, I don’t even know who I just bought that for.  It doesn’t matter though, I only have two more things to click and I am DONE!!

Hey, I love opening gifts, and even more so seeing others open gifts, seeing their faces brighten.  But without question, my favorite thing about the holiday season is spending time with family.  I love it.  I love seeing the kids play together, hang out, all the smiles, the poker games, the games of Pitch (best card game in the cosmos), watching movies, etc.  I even like the cold around Christmas time.  Yup, I just said that.  I do like the cold when it is appropriate.  And it is certainly appropriate at Christmas!

So in these last few days leading up to Christmas, remember the important things.  If you find yourself getting stressed about making sure everyone has everything they need, step back and remember family.  Be thankful for health, for Jesus, for the precious hours you get to spend with family.  Laugh a lot, smile a lot.  My favorite ab exercise in the world happens when I hurt from laughter.  It is one of the best pains in the world.  I want that pain for Christmas.  I am going to stop typing now so I can go put that on my Wish List.

Much love, folks.

Peace.

Write Your Stories Down

My three favorites

Recently I became an uncle for the fourth time.  Micah Lyric Stanfield (fantastic name, incidentally) was born on 10.9.2010.  You can read all about her here.  And while you are there, grab your favorite beverage and a box of tissues, and ride the roller coaster birth story that both proud parents provide for you to read.  Tickets are free, and no doubt you will shed a few tears before your car comes to a stop.  And don’t get out of the car at the end too fast either.  You might get a head rush.  Stay seated and soak in the joy of the ride.

Micah Lyric Stanfield

Reading their story, as I am sure has been the case for many of you, caused me to reflect on my own kids and their birthdays.  I went back and read my own account of the day my first son Noah Christian was born.  Reading it overwhelmed me with emotions as I was taken back to that day, to the joy of Noah being born, the beyond-words amazement at the strength of my wife, and just everything that has transpired since then.  I am so glad I wrote down what happened that day, and the days leading up to it as well.  I know years from now, my brother and his wife will go back and read the accounts of the day Micah was born and be so thankful they both wrote it all down.   My pastor preached a series recently about the wilderness, going through the wilderness.  One of the things that stood out was that we should write our story; keep the story as a souvenir.  I think it is never a bad idea, especially life-changing moments, to write down those moments in as much detail as possible.  Memory fades, but the written word sticks around (unless your hard drive crashes, which is why you should write it, or at least print it out!) and contains all the memories and events that took place at that moment in your life.  Don’t let your stories fade from memory.  Your story is a gift!

Continuing, Micah’s birth has caused the inevitable appearance of cameras, which is a good thing when my talented bro is behind the lens (example to follow shortly).  But reading birth stories and seeing pictures of Micah made me want to post this little bit that I am writing now – just a simple little update on my amazing family.  Mainly I just wanted to post a few new pictures, and one amazing video (the aforementioned example) that my brother took on a beautiful Saturday in Charlotte.

Beth and I have been married now for 7.5 years, and have two boys, Noah and Jakob.  Both boys have been the biggest blessing of our lives for sure, and continue to amaze us.  Jakob is 11 months old now, crawling around, trying to copy his big brother Noah, and everyone else who happens to be in view.  This kid is so full of joy and peace, and it is not uncommon that my eyes fill with water just from the looks he gives me.  Noah is now two, and is getting smarter and smarter.  I was singing an Aqualung song the other day, and Noah finished the line for me.  It was awesome!  I had never taught him that song, and I don’t sing it that often.  It was pretty cool.  He loves music.  They both love music.  Another cool aspect is that both boys have managed to escape my hair.  Those of you who know me…well, you know.

Scheming....

And really that is all.  I just felt like writing a tiny bit about my family, and showing some recent pictures and videos on a dark evening.  Runny noses and all!

I am beyond blessed.

Peace

Call of Duty: Black Ops Review

Call of duty: Black Ops has been out for just over a week now.  In my last post, which can be read here, I gave a brief pre-launch preview as the buzz surrounding the game was getting increasingly louder.  The night of the release, a friend of mine brought his brand new copy over to show me the game.  Did I like it?  I think I did.  Yup. 

We jumped into a multiplayer match against bots, not online against real players, just so my buddy Matt could show me the gameplay and some of the maps.  First thing I noticed, and was thrilled about, was the sound.  I am a huge fan of big, loud explosions, heavy sounding weapons, popping grenades, etc.  I like loud.  I like big.  The sound sucked me in immediately.  The guns were loud and powerful; the explosions were indeed big sending a nice low rumble through my subwoofer.  I was very, very pleased.  A+ on the sound.  Next up, some gameplay – how was that? He handed me the controller and I started up.  I loved it!  We played another, and my positive comments increased while my negative skepticism regarding a Treyarch-created game decreased.  I enjoyed it so much that at lunch the next day, I traded in my copy of Halo Reach, paid the balance of 15 bucks, and had a copy of Black Ops.  One week later, I am officially a huge fan of the game.  If I had to sum it up, it plays more like Call of Duty 4 (awesome) with the killstreak/perk innovations of Mod Warfare 2 – in other words, a perfect blend!

 If you play games at all, no doubt you have at the very least seen other Call of Duty games, most recently Modern Warfare 1 and 2.  This game plays very similar to both, which is a good thing in my opinion.  I have been able to jump right in and enjoy it as the learning curve is not too difficult.  Sure there are differences, but the differences are not so drastic that you are a liability as a teammate.   So let me start with the Campaign, and then get to the good stuff. 

As of this moment, I am not very far in the campaign.  The multiplayer is too much fun.  What I can say about the campaign so far is that it has been enjoyable, exciting, brutal,  and plays like a good action film.  I have never seen an intro to a game like this before.  As soon as you select “campaign” from the menu, the game literally starts.  I mean right there.  As in, the selection “lobby” where you choose your options and gametypes is actually the setting for the beginning of the game.  And from there, you are Mason, voiced by Sam Worthington (Avatar) and his “I can only say certain words without my Australian accent coming through thickly” voice.  Mason is actually sitting in an

I speak Australian really well, even when trying to speak American...

 interrogation room, and this is how the game takes place.  He is telling a story, trying to remember what happened years before (similar to a Bourne movie), and you play out the character through Cuba, Vietnam, and beyond.  The setting is the Cold War.  Like I said, I am not very far, so I only know so much, but thus far it has been a good story, and quite fun to play through.  And very much rated “R”.  But enough about the campaign.  Let’s get to the good stuff!

Multiplayer – This is what keeps gamers playing a game for months, and even years after a release.  Black Ops uses the same sort of ranking, weapons unlocking, and kill streaks system as the previous Call of Duty games, which is extremely addictive.  There is always something to work on, a goal to try to accomplish.  Where Treyarch has shined is coming up with new ways to do this.  In past games, to get an ACOG scoped attached to your M16 assault rifle, you had to get 150 kills with that weapon.  At that point you are you are rewarded your ACOG scope, and then you move on to the next challenge with that weapon.  In Black Ops, there is a currency system in place.  So if you earn 2000 credits (bucks), instead of needing to get 150 kills with a weapon, just go buy your ACOG scope.  If you earn the credits, you can just buy your claymores, your flash grenades, your different kill streaks.  It is a great new feature. 

In addition, there are contracts, timed contracts that you can “Sign”, and then try to complete.  For example, last night I signed up for a Longshot contract, which required that I get two kills from long range within 25 minutes of gameplay.  If you don’t do it, you don’t get paid.  I did it, and was paid the agreed upon amount of money.  That is an easier one.  There are other ones that are more difficult, thus pay more (get 5 headshots without dying within 40 minutes of gameplay – very tough).   Wager matches are another huge addition.  These are matches with preset rules that you literally can bet your money against other players that you will finish in the top 3 of that match.  They are all free-for-all matches (every man for himself, no teams) and are a blast.  My favorites have been the Gun Game and Sharpshooter.  In Gun Game, you start with a pistol, and have to work your way through 20 different gun types to win.  When you get a kill with that weapon, you move to the next, and everyone progresses through the same weapons.  In the Sharpshooter gametype, where every 45 seconds your weapons cycles to something else, and everyone has the same weapon.  It is totally random, so you never know what you will get.  It is a blast, and it forces you to be decent with all weapons.   If you finish in the top three, you get paid.  If not, you lose your “entry fee”, or your bet, if you will. 

Lastly, you have to have good maps.  And so far, I really enjoy the maps.  Part of that is because they are all new, so that makes them all fresh and fun.   Even still, I really do like them.  There is a good mix of forest, nighttime, snow, urban, and industrial settings.  I love Jungle, which is exactly what it sounds like – running around in a jungle.  It reminds me of the Predator a bit minus aliens. 

You have the gameplay of a good Call of Duty shooter, the same addictive-goal-oriented ranking system to finish off goals for different weapons and such, new contracts to fulfill, new wager matches to bet credits on to make more money, all the classic gameplay modes, and brand new maps.  All this is thrown into the pot to boil up a darn good game, and one that (so far) has lived up to the hype.  That hype also made it the largest single entertainment release in the history of the cosmos with $360 million on its opening day.  Insane. 

In closing, I love this game.   The adjustments made to killstreaks not being as powerful, and not counting towards your streak total put more emphasis back on the player having to do get his or her own kills, and there seems to be more emphasis on trying to win (as opposed to who cares, I just want to get 80 kills in a game).  The graphics have gotten a knock, and while no, they are not as sharp as Mod Warfare 2 – a step back, if you will – they are still really, really good.  The campaign, so far, has been fun, and the multiplayer is everything advertised.  If you were skeptical about Treyarch putting out a good game, there is no need to be.  They have a good one here, and if you are on the fence about getting it, I say go for it.  That means you, Mark Ahlman!  Emoticon winking.   

Peace.

Sixteen Games Completed, and the Heels First Game of the Season

It is Friday evening.  My two boys just went to sleep and my wife is out for a glass of red with her sister.  She rarely gets out these days, so I am happy for her.  I am writing this while watching my other favorite team, the North Carolina Tar Heels play their first basketball game of the season.  They are playing Lipscomb University out of the Nashville area.  Before getting to the Hurricanes, I have to talk about this game right fast.  When you see Lipscomb on the schedule, you automatically assume a win.  Not that Lipscomb is awful, not by any means.   They are always well-coached and usually loaded with three-point threats.  Not to mention some dude who led the nation in scoring last year, so they have that as well.

The Heels look like a very talented version of last year.  They always seem to give up the three pointer.  Collapse down low, the ball goes back out, and teams always seem to hit the three against us.  It is frustrating as a fan because it is quite predictable.  Against an ACC team, if we play like this, we lose.  And, as I type this, UNC is only winning by 5 points, and is lucky they are not losing.   Harrison Barnes is legit.  McDonald has a smooth shot, and Drew II and Zeller should provide some leadership, but you can tell it is the first game of the season.  We have a long way to go.

Now on to the Hurricanes.  After 16 games we are right where I thought we would be:  Inconsistent.  We are 8-8, a picture of mediocrity and inconsistency.  How is this for inconsistent?  Tuesday night we beat Edmonton 7-1. That is a touchdown plus the point after.  In hockey.  we scored more than the Panthers do on Sunday.  Everything went right. On Thursday, two days later the Philadelphia Flyers came into the RBC Center (after playing Pinehurst #2 for some team building exercises).  The Flyers own the Hurricanes.  We have not beat them in regulation in 17 games, and have lost 8 in a row or something like that.  This night, after demolishing Edmonton 7-1, the Flyers won 8-1.  That is a touchdown plus a safety for those wanting to stay with  football (Zeller playing strong, not gonna let the Heels lose this one.  Good leadership there).

So after that embarrassing performance, we sit at 8-8 with a game tomorrow night against Montreal.  We just cannot seem to play really well two games in a row.   There are bright spots though.  Jeff Skinner has been one of the best stories in the league this year.  He is the youngest player in the entire NHL, and is leading all rookies in scoring by almost double.  The former figure skater has been sensational.  Sure, he makes errors, but he is 18.  You know, like born in the 90′s.  His skating is effortless and he is tied for points with captain Eric Staal for the team lead.

Speaking of Staal, he has not disappointed, although I want him to start scoring more goals.  But you can tell he is embracing being captain, and should prove to be a great captain for years to come.

Cole and Samsanov are both enjoying decent seasons after awful campaigns last year.  There are plenty of bright spots, to be sure.

Here is what I think we have to work on, with 66 games left (plenty of time, clearly).

• Defense – it continues to be shaky in front of Cam Ward.  They make great plays, but too often give up easy goals, shots in dangerous places, and just have mental lapses
• Consistency – everyone has off nights, but we are so young that we really need all four lines contributing, and we need the “veterans” to lead the way
• Keep shooting the puck, and keep building speed through the middle of the ice.  Speed is our game, we have to use it.

Tomorrow night we play Montreal, and we have to bounce back from an awful performance.

Peace

Paul

* With 1:25 left in the game, the Heels are up 10, and, barring a miracle will win their first test.  Barnes has 14 points, but for me, Marshall, another Mickey D’s all-american, has been great!  The pass first, and maybe think about shooting later has shown poise, speed, and scoring touch as well.

Call of Duty: Black Ops Release Hours Away…

If you are a fan of gaming, no doubt you are very aware that the next installment in the Call of Duty series, Black Ops will be released on November 9th, which is tomorrow.  Or for those hardcore peeps who don’t have anything to do during the day, midnight releases are everywhere.

Video game release events have now equaled, or even exceeded movie premier events.  I have no doubts that will be the case with this game as well.  As I type this, the UK is already having release parties that are grand in scale, attendance, and every other way – all the way up to legit SAS troops as security. 

There is a buzz about this game that is even larger than the new Halo game that released a few months ago.  Last year’s Call of Duty release (Modern Warfare 2) has been one of the best selling video games of all time, and stakes claim to having the biggest entertainment launch of all time.  Yes, that is all-time.  As in Guiness Book of World Records.  That is big.  And it is a video game, not a movie. 

Many experts are saying tomorrow’s release of Call of Duty: Black Ops could top that.  I will not be surprised if it does happen.  Now, to be honest, I still have some skepticism, mainly due to the fact that the makers of Black Ops have dropped two duds in their last two attempts.  That is a perfect score of crap.  Treyarch, the company with the cool looking trinity-like symbol for a logo did not do well with Call of Duty 3 and Call of Duty World at War.  Their games have not been able to touch the Call of Duty games of Infinity Ward (Modern Warfare 1 and 2).  That being said, if you are familiar at all with Black Ops, you by now know that their new ideas for multiplayer games sound like an absolute blast!  It appears, thanks to Youtube and countless other gaming sites, that Treyarch has done it right.  By Jove, they might have it!!  It looks similar to Modern Warfare 2 in play, which is a good thing since Modern Warfare 2 is amazing in its own right.  But what Treyarch did was listen…listened to those who would be buying the game.  What do you guys want in a Call of Duty game?  Much of the feedback they received went right into the game. 

I am not excited enough (read: I don’t have 60 bucks expendable cash right now) to get the game tomorrow at launch, and I still have my reservations due to past Treyarch games being a bust.  But I have gone from swearing I had no interest in the game to secretly watching little pieces here and there on the game to planning on watching a buddy play it at some point tomorrow night just to see if it really is that amazing.   And unless all the Youtube postings and reviews are completely bogus, this game appears that it will be just that…and once someone buys my Halo Reach copy on Ebay, I will most likely be adding Black Ops to my library.

Are you getting the game tomorrow?  Tonight at midnight?  Let me know in the comments.  I am curious to hear all of your thoughts on the game!

I will post a follow-up once I have seen the game in action. 

Peace

Four days ago I saw Jonsi in concert, and I can’t stop thinking about it…

Waiting patiently for the start

To me, a sure sign of a good show is how it resonates.  It has been four days since I saw Jonsi, and I am still thinking about it, still wanting to watch it again every night.  Something had to be right about it. 

I have been to a decent amount of concerts over the years.  I am definitely a fan of live music.  The energy, the passion, excitement….I love it all.   I no longer enjoy large venues, especially amphitheaters.  That is not to say I am done seeing shows at larger venues (i.e. U2), but I prefer a smaller venue. 

Sunday, October 31, 2010, I, along with my wife and sister-in-law, drove down to Atlanta, met my brother and his wife from Nashville, and made way towards the Tabernacle to see Jonsi (if you don’t know, he is the Sigur Ros dude).  Let me go ahead and get this out of the way. 

I am not sure there is a better small to midsize venue on the east coast.  I am by no means the expert on the matter, as most of the shows I attend are in Charlotte, but I have been on tours all over and experienced most of the classic stops…9:30 Club in DC, Theater of Living Arts in Philly, etc.   I had not been to the Tabernacle in a long, long time.  This place blew me away.  With exception to a few poles causing some view issues (none of which affected us), every seat in the balcony is perfect, and the pit below for those who prefer to stand is expansive.  But what it all comes down to is the sound.  An amazing venue with awful sound reduces that venue to the Snug Harbor in Charlotte (awful, awful sound – and they know it).  The sound for the Jonsi show was the best I have heard in a long time.  And you need to have that for Jonsi.  It was so clear and crisp, every instrument shining just as it should.   Particularly the percussion stood out (the percussion setup, mind you, was home-made, consisting of trash can lids, various buckets and such, and an old suitcase for some added low end – kick drum in other words).  The sounds coming from the percussion “section” were incredible – and almost eerie as to how crisp it sounded.  I think you had to be there to fully understand.   The Tabernacle, on this night, gets 5 stars. 

Now to the show.  My favorite shows ever in my life, shows that really have stuck with me are as follows (in no particular order):

• U2 – Pop Mart tour, Franklin Field, Philadelphia
• Pearl Jam – every time I saw them, because it is Pearl Jam. 
• Public Radio – Charlotte act, great guys, and I can honestly say, the first time I heard Mark Mathis belt out his high vocals over Luke’s drumming, and the rest of the band – I left wowed, and continue to be wowed.   
• The Stars – Neighborhood Theater.  Really surprised me how great the show was.  Lots of energy from a non-energy act.
• Mute Math – not a huge fan really, but I saw them first at Tremont, and I did not know what to expect – and it was awesome.
• Pete Yorn/Ours – Exit/In, Nashville (great venue).  Just a really good show, and first time I had heard Ours.  If you know, then, well,  you know. 

The Jonsi Show ranks right up there, and if I did actually rank them, it might fall at the very top, or just under Pop Mart.  Hard to compare because it was so different.  It had so many different elements, and all aspects were nailed. 

Colors...lots of Colors

From the beginning I knew we were in for a treat when he came out with just an acoustic that filled the room beautifully with vocals to match.   It did not hurt that one member of the band was playing a xylophone using  a cello bow, providing some great ambient sounds.  And from there it went from one amazing song to another.  But it was not just the songs.  It was the entire package.  Behind the band was an ever-changing screen (the size of a cinema screen) displaying motion graphics to accompany every song.  For an example, click this link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Rea5H9bXNrg

If you are familiar with Jonsi’s music at all, you will know “Grow Till Tall”.  He closed with that song.  That is a 6 minute video I took with my phone, but it turned out decently.  In that particular song, the visual was a tree that starts out calm and beautiful, until a raging storm hits.  As the song builds, the storm gets more and more powerful.  I sent that video to my brother, and from a phone camera, he got chills watching it.  Just watch it.  It is special.

So what made this show so memorable?  Why am I STILL thinking about it four days later, and why is the show somehow getting better in my head? 

Honestly, the answer is simple:  it was that good.  Music only did not make it amazing.  But I will start there.

Jonsi’s voice is special.  His ability to maintain high notes with what has to be some classical influence is chilling.  Smooth transitions from falsetto to chest voice were like sweet butter.  And his band.  One of the greatest things about this show was the band, and their ability to all play different instruments.  After every song, each person would rotate to a different instrument to better suit the song.  This element, along with the visuals behind, made for a dynamic show, constantly changing, never the same.  Add on top of that Jonsi’s voice and ability to write absolutely beautiful songs being played on instruments like xylophones, trash can lids, and various keyed gems all just worked.  And worked perfectly.   

As is the case with any good show, any good event really, the first thing someone says just after the conclusion is something similar to “that was amazing.  I wish _______ had been here.”  It is so hard to explain in writing or speech how good something was because the energy, creativity, and visuals are nearly impossible to talk or write about.  You really just had to be there. 

If you ever get a chance to see Jonsi live, do it.  Drive a long way if you have to.   This show blew me away.  It was special.  It was magical. It was beautiful.  And four days later it continues to be so.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J5RSrophgX0

Another short clip, Boy Lilikoi

Homework Assignment from Pastor J-Mart

Last Sunday at church, we were given a “homework” assignment from our Pastor, the Jonathan Martin.   While some might snicker at receiving homework on a Sunday morning, I am more than ok with it.  I find it very difficult to make time to read the Bible (translation – I make time for almost everything else before I make time for reading the Bible.  ouch.  Hmm, that is true.  Dang holy spirit already pricking me a bit).  It is my own doing that makes it difficult most of the time, and yes, I use normal life as an excuse.  I am not a morning person, and when it comes to night time, once the kids go to bed, that is normally when I realize that “oh, I have hardly said hello to my wife today, I have not really sat down since I got home, etc etc…”  Basically, once the kids go down, I am not usually thinking “OK!!! TIME TO GO READ THE BIBLE!!!!!!!”  Sure, that needs to change, but I also know that many of you can relate.  I think even God can relate.  The difference is, he still busts through his busyness and makes time for me. 

 I have made it a point to “find” time to complete our “homework” assignment.  It is funny.  If I did not read, would Jonathan get mad at me?  Would he even personally check with me to make sure I had read Acts?  Probably not, although if he reads this, he might….  Similarly, will God check me into the boards, and give me a little face-wash to boot if I don’t?  No – that dude is so full of grace, and if he did operate like that based on my lack of reading, like a hockey goon, He would have so many game misconducts from all his brutal checks, and most likely a suspension or 18.  Now seeing someone trying to suspend God from a league would be funny, but that is for another day perhaps.

God (usually) does not do this

Ok, back to “homework”.  All I am trying to say is this.  Just the mere mention, just a simple request from our pastor  – “Hey, I want you to read this.”  – followed by a nod of my head and a “yes, I will do it”, has caused me to make time to do just that.  Something about knowing that a large number of other believers are all reading the same thing all week, something powerful about that, and frankly, I wanted to be a part of it, and me simply committing in my head on Sunday morning to read Acts has caused me to try hard to make sure that I do, in fact, follow through with my commitment. 

When I read the Bible, I typically start in my old, ripped up 1991 New King James Version Bible with the cool trinity symbol on the binding that does little to actually bind anymore, then go back to the Message, and read it again.  I enjoy The Message.  It serves as a great companion to the translation I grew up on.  This is how I have gone about reading Acts as well. 

So, if Jonathan hands out Homework Assignments every Sunday, I will be ok with that.   Such a simple request has helped at least one person find time (time that I profess exists not) to read his beat up Bible.  You never know what you might get out of it, but chances are it will be good.  Kind of like what Jesus said right before he showed off his vertical and jumped off the earth:

“You don’t get to know the time.  Timing is the Father’s business.  What you’ll get is the Holy Spirit.” (Acts 1:7)

In other words, you will get the Holy Spirit, and you will like it!! NO SOUP FOR YOU!  Reading my “homework” assignment, I don’t know yet what all I will get out of it, but I think I will like it. 

Peace.

Halo Reach Review – Great game, so why am I selling it?

As I mentioned in my introductory post, I do enjoy video games.  I always thought as I got older I would cease to like them, but it has been the opposite.  As they have gotten more incredible, visually amazing, and more movie-like in their presentation, so have I enjoyed them more and more.  Throw on top of that the ability to jump online with friends and take on others in real-time as opposed to AI-controlled opponents and you have a time-wasting hobby that I love to partake in.  Some people watch CSI for an hour.  I would rather play a game for an hour, and control my characters instead of watch someone else’s ideas for that character.  Games are my “shows”, and I find they are also a great way to communicate and catch up with friends and family without having to be on the phone.

“Hey, let’s play Halo at 9.”

“It’s a date!”

Meet online at 9, talk about life, getting punched in the face for the 8^th time, and another stupid grenade just blew us both up.

using a jetpack is pretty fun

My point in this post was to give a full review of Halo Reach, or as full as possible considering that I have not yet beat the campaign, or story mode, of the game. But those can be read anywhere.  Instead I am going to focus on some of the problems I am having with the game. 

The game has been out over a month now, and a fair review can certainly be given at this point.  As is the case with all blog posts, this is just my opinion.

So here I go.

If you have played Halo before, you know what you are going to get.  When a new Halo comes out, you expect better graphics, new bells and whistles, but the same gameplay that has made Halo so popular.  I am referring here to the multiplayer play.  That should go without saying, but some may love playing the campaigns more than jumping online and playing against others (Mat Rogers, for example!)

I was a fan of Halo 3.  It was basically the same as Halo 2, and Bungie went with the “if it ain’t broke, don’t fix it” mentality.  Throw in a few shields, a few new weapons, some new maps, and you have a great game.  Enter also the ability to share a movie of all your played games, take screenshots that immediately upload to your file on their website, and a ranking system based on wins and losses, and you have a fun, addictive game.

I was super amped about Halo Reach.  Youtube allows for watching videos of gameplay, reviews, and I could not get enough.  The game looked great, sounded great (I am all about big sound, big explosions, etc.), and I got my copy on the release date (no, not at midnight.  I do like gaming, but I have never, and will never stand in line to buy a game at midnight.)

My first impressions of Halo Reach were all positive.  I loved it.  The guns were louder, the loadouts were fun – Jetpacks are rad, being able to pop down into a shield is rad – it was still Halo, but they created it all from scratch, and you could tell.  It felt different, better, thicker…I loved it.  And, as I learned how to utilize the different “classes”, it became more fun.  I could summarize it all by saying this:  I thought, and still think the actual gameplay is fun.  It is still Halo, but just different enough to feel like a different game.

So why am I taking it back?  And why the past few days have I been playing Modern Warfare 2 again and not Halo Reach?  It is simple – Halo Reach removed the one thing that separated it from all the other first-person shooters.  It took the premium off of winning matches, and put it on gaining credits, experience points, whatever.  It tried to follow the model of Modern Warfare 2, where you still rank up, get points, even when your team loses.  The best Halo matches are the ones where the game is tied 49-49, knowing that one more kill gets you the win.  It is fun to win, and you knew if you did win, you rank would move up.  If you lost, it would move down.  I love that.  It gives you a reason to win.  And it was fun to win as a team.  MW 2 took the premium off of winning, and put it on getting personal rewards, getting tons of kills in a game, finishing off weapons and accomplishments.  MW 2 is probably the best first person shooter I have ever played.  Perhaps a tie with MW1 (call of duty 4).  Both are amazing games.  But MW2 became more about individual stuff, which sure, keeps people coming back, and more importantly, more people buying the game.  $$$$ rule.

This mode of thought doomed Halo Reach (“doomed” is subjective…it has sold a ton of copies and there are probably 300,000 people playing as I type this).

Not even a tie fighter pilot-looking helmet could keep me around for long

It seems like they were trying to get MW2 players to come over to Halo, and in doing so forgot to include what makes Halo so much fun.  Halo Reach does not have a ranking system like it used to.  Like MW2, everygame you gain credits based on how you played.  Even if you stink, you still get some credits.  However, unlike MW2, the credits are meaningless.  You can upgrade your armor with the credits, but it is purely cosmetic.  And no one, while lining you up with their sniper scope is going to pause before pulling the trigger to say “wow, look at his helmet.  That is really cool!”  Not going to happen.  If you are going to use that system, at least give us something to work towards.

The new “Arena” was supposed to be where those who do like to win, get ranked, etc. would go play.  One huge, glaring problem though.  It is the exact same.  There is still no ranking based on wins and losses. You do get a ranking, but it is based on many factors and averages.  You were supposed to get placed into a “division” based on those averages, but instead of making it seem like a true season, you are shown what percentage you are based on others in your division.  A great idea that is poorly executed.  It just does not feel right.

Other negatives:

The maps – 2 of the maps were old remakes from past games.  Several more were all made from the same mold, and feel similar.  In all, it feels like you really have a handful of new maps.  Everyone loves new maps, and they dropped the ball here.

Quitting – Players quitting out has always been a problem in Halo games.  When 2 people quit, that is that, and the game quickly becomes 4 vs 2, and your likelihood of winning significantly decrease.  In MW2, as soon as someone quits, BAM, another person joins right in.  Other games have at least programmed bots (AI) to fill in for the quitters.  For some reason, Halo never fixed this.  It is not fun to play against 4 people when everyone else has quit.

This is too long.  And at this point not even I am reading it anymore.  I still love how the game plays, and sure, isn’t that what it is about?  But part of the fun is playing with friends, and most of the buddies I play with have already moved on, basically for the same reasons as this negative review.  I was so excited about Halo Reach I almost felt a bit guilty for admitting that something was just off.  But they did not do enough to keep me around.  It is not a good sign that after a month I have already moved back to an older game.

If Halo wants to be more like MW2, then adapt some of the other features.  Give us a reason to keep playing, give us more maps, not old ones we have played before, and allow players to join mid-game to combat the quitting.  They needed to do something to make me not want to go back to MW2, and they did not.  Nor has Halo Reach kept me from wondering just how good the next Call of Duty, Black Ops is going to be.  And for all that, and for all this, Halo Reach is getting sold while I can still get some decent value for it.

 

...and finished